September 19, 2024Articles (Blog)Scene – Marie, waking up from a lovely simple, peaceful dream, in her exquisite, uncluttered bedroom. She opens her eyes. She sits up and stretches luxuriously. Her hair falls by itself into a perfectly smooth bob.
Her first thought? Oh how thrilling! A new day to declutter! A fresh 24 hours to Put Things Away and Get Rid Of Even More Things!
Everyone else? Bleary eyed, groping for our phones, trudging to the kitchen for that blessed first tea or coffee. Scowling at the calendar, jam on toast in hand, DECLUTTER is in bold, time scheduled, no excuse not to start. BLEURGH!
The reality of decluttering? More like this…
You might be thinking “How do you wake up Liz? Ms Professional Organiser!”
Well, I’m a Coffee Groper, and I love a bit of jam on toast. And I do occasionally notice spots around my apartment that need a bit of refining. But, I’m busy!
So I prioritise. Mostly my little spots of clutter can wait until I have a small chunk of time to spare. Ermโฆ sometimes that doesn’t happen for a looong time. But it doesn’t affect my or my partners quality of life. The worst bits were sorted ASAP.
So let’s talk about the 3 Strategies When You Have Too Many Feelings About Decluttering. When I think about decluttering YOUR house, my main priority is your happiness. Nothing is as important to me as making your space better for YOU. It makes me happy!
Over The Mess? It’s All About Feelings!
This is Strategy No 1. Be Selfish.
OMG Liz!
I know, it’s almost the worst thing you can say right? “You’re so selfish!”
But there’s selfish and then there’s selfish.
Why are you struggling to get rid of your Difficult To Declutter Things? Bad feelings right? Even if you’re logicalizing (totally made up word there) the reasons you can’t possibly let things go, if you dig a little deeper it’s probably because it makes an uncomfortable feeling go away.
These feelings are never awesome feelings. They’re never Yay! I’m NOT throwing this third dented frypan away because it makes feel SO happy to have a pan that wobbles on the stove top!
Oh no! It’s more likely to be Guilt, Fear, Anxiety, Disloyalty, Regret, all those yuk feelings that we try really hard to avoid. (They often have origins from deep in our subconscious that come from our childhood.)
So I’d like you to try this:
Pretend I’m in your head. Pretend someone who only has your best interests at heart is standing right beside you, challenging those yuk feelings and the thoughts behind them. They’re challenging the logicalizing too. They/You are thinking only of what you want and the best way to get there (but gently and kindly.)
Why?
Because you want something to change. (You wouldn’t be reading this otherwise.)
It’s all about what you want, your big goal, not your yuk feelings dictating what you should do.
If something doesn’t serve you (and your household) it can go.If something is restricting or limiting your life or your dreams, it can go.If something is a burden to you, weighing down your spirit, it can go.If the only reason you’re keeping something is bad feelings, baby, it can GO.
Your dreams, your happiness are incredibly important. Focus on them when those difficult feelings try to stop you doing what you know you need to do.
What’s Stopping You From Decluttering & How To Beat It.
Strategy No 2. Why Finding Joy might not be the best decluttering method for you.
You’re a feeling person, you know joy when you feel it.
It’s a positive and much preferred feeling, way more than all the other feelings you get when you try to declutter. You might’ve had a go at the KonMari method but found it didn’t work for you. Maybe you’re thinking you might try it. Keep in mind the following things:
Joy – So you’ve pulled out the things that make you feel happy and joyful. But you have to touch and look at everything so you can tell if you feel joy right?
If you feel overwhelmed by the amount of things you have to sort through, that might stop you from even starting to look for things that might bring you joy.
If you feel sad or anxious about anything that you’re decluttering, that feeling might overwhelm joy.
If you feel deeply sorry for or terribly disloyal about anything that’s being banished from your home, saying thank you to it might not work.
If you feel slightly pleasant feelings when you hold, see or touch something, you might think it’s close enough to joy to keep, and that might happen so often you end up keeping EVERYTHING.
You’ll need to find a different way to deal with these things that don’t quite fill you with joy.
Remember that word I made up above? Logicalizing. Snappy little word. If I had a Tidy Lady Dictionary it would say:
Logic-a-lizing. To actively think of reasons to do or not do something.e.g. 1. They logicalized keeping the set of slightly broken 1990s outdoor furniture taking up space in the garage because they might have a holiday home one day.e.g. 2. She’s logicalizing getting rid of some of her worn-out, dusty shoes because she has no room for new ones, and she LOVES shoes.
So if you’ve tried Finding Joy and you need something different to really get the results you want, try this:
Argue with yourself. Be difficult. Propose the opposite. Be that person in debating club who has to defend the other (unpopular) position. Pick to pieces the thought that you couldn’t possibly get rid of something.
Look at what you actually need. Decide what is most important to you. Put things in order of your priority – actually do it, list them on a piece of paper, put them on the kitchen table, line them up on the bed, or the garage floor. From super useful and really needed all the way down toโฆ meh.
Put back the Top Priority things first. Notice how much space you have, how easy it is to see what you have. And donate the rest!
Clutter Therapy: What does your clutter tell you about YOU? Part 2. Your feelings.
Strategy No 3. Choose.
You absolutely have a choice. You might feel like you don’t, but you do.
I bet you’re thinking I’m going to say:
Choose to declutter, in the best way for YOU.Choose space, choose easily found things, choose simplicity.Choose to be free of the things that nag you and weigh you down.Choose to be free of burdens of responsibility that don’t really exist.Choose to let go of things that do not serve you and your family.Choose to let go of the things that stop you having the home that you dream of.Choose to let go of things that get in the way of your happiness.
And you’re RIGHT!
Butโฆ
You have other choices. Depending on your circumstances and how your clutter is affecting your quality of life, or the people who live with youโฆ
You could:
Choose to not declutter right now and plan for the support you’ll need when you choose to get started.Choose to keep the things that you are struggling with and be happy with your decision.Choose to pack them up and put them in storage, to give yourself some breathing space.Choose to declutter just a little bit, regularly, so you see progress.Choose to have someone you trust do the decluttering for you and accept what they do without complaint.Choose to get counselling or any other type of support you might need to work out why you’re having so much trouble decluttering. (Counselling is awesome for anything that is blocking your happiness or causing a heartache.)Choose to gather around you all the support you need to get stuck in, and get stuck in!
Choosing to do any of these is absolutely ok, because YOU are in charge of you.
Liz. X [...]